When I moved to Spain, I never actually thought about leaving. That’s not to say I thought I would be here forever, spending the rest of my days as a siesta taking, Spanish señorita, I just lived in the moment completely – soaking up each moment of the adventure of my dreams. Now that I am coming up on my last week here, the mystery of what will be is silently haunting me.
I can’t help but think, WTF…what’s the future?
Before I left the states, I read a book that changed my life, my mentality, and my path. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle helped me realize that now is all we have. The past is dead and the future doesn’t exist so why consume our thoughts and our time with these ghosts? I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Prepare yourself for a mind-blow.
Reading this book also allowed me to jump without fear and move to Spain with nothing but a backpack and a dream.
As I mentally prepare myself for the days to come, I am reminded of his teachings and reminded that I am forgetting to follow his wisdom. It is a constant battle to silence my monkey brain and allow my heart to lead, but it is something I will continue to work on for it is worth the struggle. Peace and silence is what I need so why is it madness and chaos that I cultivate?
So often, we harp on the past and fret about the future. We cannot change the past or predict the future, so why do we torment our souls with these illusions? I don’t know what will happen later today nonetheless next month or next year! Now is the only reality we know. When you actually stop to think about it, it is so obviously true. Simple and obvious, yet very hard for some to accept.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”
–The Power of Now
When a dream is realized, like living in Spain for me, one is inevitably met with the question, “What’s next? WTF?” While planning the next adventure is good, fretting over the unknown is not. I just wish taking my own advice was as easy as saying it!
Things end, things begin…that is the way of the world. If the only constant is change, then why are we so damn shocked when things change?
To be honest, I’ve been freaking out this past month…ok, maybe 2 months. My impending departure felt like D-day 2015 until about 2 weeks ago. I was fretting over things that were out of my control and allowing the fear of the future to consume my thoughts and ruin the present moment – the precious now. I had to slap myself to get out of my self-imposed sorrow. Enough was enough. I’d been thinking “WTF” too much and not saying “thank you” for what I had; which was an experience that changed my life. And in a week’s time I am going to see family and friends who I love and miss dearly (and meet my niece!!!). What’s there to cry about? Nada!
I was afraid to come here and leave everything and everyone behind, and now I am afraid to leave. Interesting how that works.
“Get over it Morgan! This is ridiculous!” I would say to myself. “This is not worth worrying over. You’ll ruin your time left in Spain if you keep this up and then you’ll really be sad.”
The downward spiral of thinking “WTF” is viscous and powerful and can really do damage if you let it. But that is they key: if you let it. As I say about everything, and mention in almost every post I write, we have a choice. I made a choice to stop wallowing about leaving Spain and start rejoicing that it even happened. I began celebrating the fact that I made a massive dream come true and that there are a million more things I want to do in my life. I don’t want to live in Granada for the rest of my days! There is so much to do and see out there and so many people to meet! I would lose my mind here. But upon this realization, I quickly recognized that I was attached to this experience, which, in turn, made me fearful of it ending.
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
I made Spain my safe zone, my little dream bubble disconnected from the reality everyone else lived in. I didn’t have to deal with “real life” problems here and going back to the states means I would. But maybe I need that right now. Maybe I need to be pushed to get my shit together and start chasing my next dream. I fell into a beautiful yet dangerously relaxed lifestyle here with very little responsibility. Being in the states at a faster pace with some constructive pressure might be just what the doctor ordered after a year and a half holiday in the sun.
I know exactly what I want and, as always, will do everything it takes to realize this next, even bigger dream.
So I shed the last tear and put on a new face. A face of hope and trust in the future, a face of gratitude and love for this experience. I paired my new face with some kickin’ party pants and let the fun commence.
When your outlook on a situation changes, you realize you held the power over the situation all along.
Going “home” after living abroad will surely be a challenge, but if I am not challenged I quickly grow bored. I accept this challenge and know that I am in control of how it affects me. I have the power of choice and the power of intention to make this next adventure everything I want it to be.
The past month has been a whirlwind of change and reflection. To have come here with just a backpack and a dream, I think I did pretty well for myself. I met people who changed my life and shared moments with them I will never forget. I discovered that I am my favorite person in the world and fell in love with being alone. I now know I can do things I never thought about before and I am absolutely aware that I am capable of designing my life. I stopped using toothpaste, deodorant, and shampoo. I fell blindly and blissfully in love in a different language, and in and out of love a couple more times. I opened myself up to my self and realized that there is nothing like saying YES to a dream. I saw more of the world and accepted that my need for discovery will never die, but it will grow and lead me to places I’ve only read about in books or heard stories of on long bus rides through faraway lands.
Travel is life; true life happening all over the world. What a humbling experience it is to just watch life happen in other places.
If we are not grateful for the things that come to pass, we will not be rewarded next time.
We must appreciate each moment of each experience because it will surely end, and that’s ok. If we attach to not wanting the experience to end, then we will be shattered when it inevitably does. I’ve learned so much and changed so much, how can I not be grateful for this?
Love is my religion and “Thank You” is my daily prayer.
Although I do not know what will happen when I go back, “I Believe in the Good Things Coming” is my current mantra. As the band/movement Medicine for the People so graciously reminds us, we cannot know what will come but we can believe it will be good.
I will be taking the same means of transportation back to the states as I took to Spain – a blind leap of faith.
I urge you to jump my friends. Leap. Blast off into the unknown because you will never know what lies ahead and it doesn’t matter.
I have a one-way ticket to the states and I know the next one-way ticket is just around the corner. Until then, hugs, tacos, tequila and a few adventures are all I have planned.
The time is now to begin living truly, so stop wasting your own time by thinking “WTF”!