Surrender

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I surrender.

To myself. To my insatiable need to explore.

To my restlessness. To the Universe. To the unknown. To the road. To the gypsy inside.

To adventure. To wanderlust.

To my heart’s desire.

I surrender.

I’ve always been a dreamer and a wanderer; looking up and and around when I should be looking down or ahead. This has often been mistaken as ditzy or being disconnected. But really, I am just deep in thought and in awe of the beauty in everything around that I can’t be bothered.

My head is not in the clouds. My feet are on the ground and they are taking me places many people will never reach.

4 months ago I was living a lifestyle that did not serve me. My sparkle was dull and my magic and faded. I felt dormant, almost in hibernation. I was going through the motions of the day and not doing much to make anything count. I didn’t want to live in Phoenix, but I also didn’t know where I belonged. I had put the idea of moving out of the country completely out of my head because it wasn’t “practical” and at 27 I should be focusing on my career and settling down and saving money for retirement. ugh. How dreadful.

Long gone was the magic I so desperately tried to hold on to after my last trip through Central America.

I was lost at home, knowing all the while that my real home is on the road.

My 4 year relationship ended at the beginning of July 2013. While that was hard enough to work through, I also lost my job due to company closure at the end of August. At the time I felt a complete loss of identity. I was stripped of everything I had and was left with just me. Raw. Open. Vulnerable. But I was also left with endless possibilities ahead of me.

The Universe had set me free. Pushing me into the wild and releasing me from captivity. Forcing me to take charge of my own life path.

The months following were some of the darkest I’ve ever experienced emotionally but also the most strengthening. I felt limitless at times and worthless at others, but I allowed each feeling to wash over me and consume me and then I watched it slip away, having grown a little each time. I surrendered.

“What goes up must come down”, I thought, and this was just my life on a downward slope from a tipping point…but what kept me going was the knowledge that it also must go up again. I felt something incredible was ahead. I surrendered. I just let it all happen. I knew it was out of my control and that I had to just keep moving forward; complete acceptance. And then something divine happened.

774499_452686218119849_251102815_oSunrise over the volcanoes of Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. 

I believe that everything has a reason and a purpose, big or small. With the good and the bad we learn and grown and evolve. Even more so, I believe that timing is everything.

At one of the most pivotal and unsure times in my life, my dad (a Real Estate agent) decided to randomly call a previous client just to catch up. She proceeds to tell him she is moving to Europe in January to teach English and travel and explore. The light went on in my dad’s head. And then he did something incredibly selfless.

He told me to go, to make my dreams of living and working in Spain a reality.

Although it pained him deeply to tell his baby girl to move across the world, as someone who knows the inner workings of my heart, he knew not telling me would hurt more.

Until this point, living abroad was a buried dream with a tombstone that read, “It would have been great”.

This phone call was the ignition to the flame that burned within.

I was alive like a wildfire from that point forward. Burning into ashes in order to rise anew.

The minute I got off the phone with him, I ran to my journal with happy tears streaming down my face and my heart beating out of my chest, knowing I had located my north star. I wrote “I AM READY” and made this manifestation on November 23, 2013:

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I moved on January 9, 2014. When I set my mind to something, there is almost nothing that can derail me. I am a stubborn Taurus. And although this trait has been known to be a fault, it is more of a blessing than anything. I don’t settle. Rather, I get exactly what I want because anything else is not acceptable.

By surrendering and allowing the storm to pass with a positive attitude, I created space for something new. I opened myself up and was released from all that did not serve me. I accepted what was, knowing it was a temporary state. I meditated on thoughts of peace within and fulfillment and discovery.

I am meant to travel and explore and discover and learn.

I am a vagabond, a modern gypsy, a complete nerd, a lover of nature and people, an explorer, and a dreamer. I am Morgan Garza and I am living out my wildest dreams. I surrendered.

Listen to your heart and soul and know that they are right. Let your internal gravity take you where it is naturally drawn, even if that means leaving everything behind and breaking the mold.

Forget the past and don’t worry about the future. Now is all we have and now is all there is.

Be brave. Let go. Just go.

Surrender.

7 Comment

  1. Rose says: Reply

    This is truly amazing Morgan, just like you. I can totally relate to the feeling of having lost one’s spark…and I too hope to get it back soon. You have inspired me dear. I think it’s really cool what your Dad did. We should all support each other’s dreams. After all, this is the only life we are guaranteed as far as we know.

    1. Morgan says: Reply

      Girl you opened my mind to so much right when I needed it most. And 3 months later, boom…just like you said! Thank you for your insight and support. And don’t forget to let me know when you start that tribe of yours…

  2. Ginnie Richrds says: Reply

    Oh this is so cool , I am so happy for you and look forward to your adventures. Love you . Mom

  3. Krista says: Reply

    WE ARE THE SAME! Cheers to you my fellow gypsy friend <3

    1. Morgan says: Reply

      The best is yet to come my gypsy friend!

  4. […] this book also allowed me to jump without fear and move to Spain with nothing but a backpack and a […]

  5. […] As a traveler, fear is exceptionally dangerous. The minute fear creeps in, it begins to wreak havoc on your confidence. It can freeze you in place and completely break you down. The minute you recognize the fear and observe it, it loses its power. Fear holds us back and keeps us away from experiences that would otherwise be enriching if we could just take the first step out of its shadow. Without fear, the unknown becomes exciting and you start to see it as a game rather than a threat. Don’t let fear keep you away from what you want. Get out of your own way! […]

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