“My soul vibrates with the awareness of eternity, with the infinite rhythms of life.”
My spiritual awareness has been building steadily over the years. Slowing growing and getting higher and stronger.
But with everything, there is a tipping point. An inevitable break. For me, it was a complete transformation.
Before now, I was waiting. Doing work, but still waiting. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was waiting for, but the anticipation and build up really got me going. The process of doing the necessary work did as well. This “work” included travel, yoga, meditation, writing, research, lots of reading, surrounding myself with likeminded people, and most of all just being open.
I didn’t work consciously, however. I wasn’t thinking, “I need to do this to have a spiritual break through.” It was all very organic and natural and easy and enjoyable. My mind and body wanted to do all this and I just went with it.
I knew that on the other side of the work was a wild and wonderful world. But I was blind to it all as I was climbing upwards.
This process was much like a ride on a roller coaster.
I was strapped into the seat with my feat dangling, my hair blowing in the wind and my hands gripping with white knuckles to the bar that held me in. I was bouncing with glee and excitement and pure unadulterated joy that I was on this ride. Vibrating with the awareness of where I was and waiting for the main event.
Slowly climbing. Steadily getting higher with each click of the cart on the tracks. Going nearly straight up. My mind was blank with excited fear and my body was trembling.
Higher and higher. Up, up, up.
The top became more visible but what lied beyond remained invisible. I could see where I needed to be, but I didn’t have a clue what came after that. I saw the ride from the ground before getting on. I knew there were huge ups and downs, loop-de-loops, sideways turns, and horizontal spirals. But to experience it all will be far different.
My back pressed hard against the seat from the gravity of the climb and my heart raced. My breath quick and shallow and my palms sweaty.
The cart started to slow near the top and I immediately feared we might slide backwards. Going all the way to the beginning and having to start over again. But the work to get to this point couldn’t be undone. There was no turning back.
I chugged ahead.
Click, click, click.
Nearly at the top, pieces of the course were revealed and I caught glimpses of the wonderful world that awaited. It looked impossibly thrilling. I just wanted to get down there. To race through the curves and feel the intense pull on my body. But there was still more work to be done. I wasn’t quite there yet.
Click, click, click.
The cart started to level out slightly at the precipice, the tipping point of the arduous incline, the peak. The view was incredible and I forgot for a second what I was doing there. I could see for miles. All of the surrounding landscape and even beyond that. I took it all in with a deep breath and before I could fully exhale, I heard a huge crack. It sounded like a lightning bolt and before I could process what the noise was, I was plummeting towards the earth. My hair behind me, screaming at the top of my lungs, smiling from ear to ear, my big ‘ol cheeks flapping in the wind. Howling, laughing, gripping tighter than I thought possible.
The grand release was sweeter than I could have ever imagined. Life on the other side of the peak was thrilling and I was ALIVE! Unquestionably alive.
My mind was blank and I was living in the now. Completely and utterly present. Taking each twist and turn and flip as it came. Not thinking about what came before or what was ahead.
I was flying. My hands shot up into the air and I surrendered.
When the ride pulled back to the starting point, the excitement was still vibrating through my body. The ride was over, but the world around me looked new. I stepped off with spaghetti legs and a swirling mind from what I’d just experienced.
I had changed. Shifted. Released the old and made space for new. I wanted more. I was hooked.
Although this particular ride is over, I know there will be more. Bigger rides with greater releases and stronger experiences.
I am insatiable.
I ignited something within that can not be extinguished. There is no going back, and I never even want to look that way again anyway.
I have always been a thrill seeker. Since I can remember I loved feeling scared because it made me feel alive. Ghost stories and scary movies when I was little got my young heart racing. I always wanted to ride the biggest and baddest roller coaster at amusement parks. My dad was always by my side on each ride when I was younger. When I was 10, I made him promise to take me skydiving when I turned 18. He jumped out of that perfectly good plane with me. That was 10 years ago now.
I live to feel alive.
I never really thought about why I wanted to feel scared or do something that made my heart race and my body tingle with a surge of adrenaline. But now I realize that it is the feeling of being alive that I am addicted to. Cliff jumping, roller coasters, skydiving, river rafting, whatever. I’ll do it all.
I am a live wire, sparking at the slightest touch. Yearning to feel my blood pumping and my mind blank.
This is my journey to my soul. And it’s only the beginning.